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VIEWS : "Try Having A Point - Convincing Idiots Of Their Stupidity" | May/June/July/August 2021

They say the beginning of April is called "The Fool's New Year". Well I think that if you haven't figured out by now (May - Month #5) that we're now into another slab of 365 ribs...then you're not a Fool, -- You're a Doofus. And for those of you who aren't acutely aware, there IS a marked difference between the two. Obviously, only a foolish Doofus would mistake - say a hairy Fool for a bearded Doofus. And again, for those of you who never payed much attention in class, a Doofus is a Fool without the ability to reason poorly. Follow me here my peeps. Many studies have found that the average North American Doofus usually hibernates in snowy climbs in the winter; only to venture out of its cave during the summer months to belch, cut it's own hair, play with electrical wiring, and spill ketchup on its dress shoes. What more really needs to be said? Don't Be A Doofus - Stay in school-(fus)—SJ :).

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NEWS : "Why Indict The Milk Truck - When You Can Blame The Cow For Free?" | May/June/July/August 2021

We are so lost in this country. Take the ozone layer (it's probably leaving anyway - rimshot). In this era of global warming, the cliche 'can't see the forest for the trees' takes on a whole new meaning. Actually, fossil fuel isn't the real cause of our crisis, animal gas is. Trudat G, the real reason we don't see any trees at all, is the thick clouds of barnyard flatulence. Yes I'm serious, the showtunes flying out the south side of a northbound holstein, cause far more harm to our planet than automobile emissions. So I say, before we all get naked with a fuel cell, we need to fight this epidemic from the bottom up (ahem). And yes, I mean an engine that actually runs on freshly cut cheese. Oh the possibilities. Forget a chicken in every pot, try a siphon in the business end of every cow. True, cooking with gas may become less popular, but we all need to wash our hands more anyway. Incidentally, Cooking With Gas is not completely where I'm at production-wise, but I will be cranking up the song hot plate soon. Let's just hope the recipe doesn't suck. Eat Making...After Beat Making. -SJ

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